Let’s start of by immediately saying, the title of "The Dom Card" is meant as a humorous ‘non-concept’, because this post is all about discussing the simple fact that the ‘Dom Card’ is a myth.
There is no universal standard of Dominance that must be met in order to claim that you are a D-type. This post is inspired by a response I posted to another new Doms tweet about this very matter.
It’s a common question for those new Doms who are still discovering what BDSM means to them. Am I tough enough? Rough enough? Should I be meaner? Stricter? As we look around the BDSM community, we see a lot of posts from dark, brooding, moody, sadistic Doms, and the things they are tweeting are perfectly fine and normal. Within the safety and responsibility of their own dynamics, it’s a beautiful thing and to be celebrated.
But this can be very intimidating, and unsettling to a new Dom, trying to find where they are comfortable within this wonderful kinky community. When I see questions like; “is it ok if I don’t want to cause much pain” I feel compelled to open a dialogue.
Entering the BDSM scene for the first time is a fascinating, exciting and scary time, both for submissives and dominants. It’s absolutely key to research, and soak up as much knowledge as you can from those more experienced than us.
One thing you will find is they are all different. No one falls into a mould, they have found their partners, and created a magical dynamic where each can feel safe, satisfied, and completely fulfilled.
Some find fulfilment in hard, sadistic discipline and rough play. Others are softer, finding that their limits are less extreme. This is normal, and as it should be. Safe, consensual, risk-aware kinkiness is a beautiful thing.
If all you want to engage in is some light spanking, and your submissive is happy and safe, let no one make you feel like less of a Dom. If you want to break out the whips and chains, and your submissive is also happy and safe, then let no one make you feel bad about it.
Your journey is unique. Your self discovery is no one else’s business so long as nothing unsafe or illegal is happening. Never feel like you need to ‘qualify’ for your ‘Dom Card’.
Your Dominance over your Submissive, and their willing submission is sacred and belongs only to the two of you. Stay safe, and enjoy your journey into this beautiful lifestyle.