BDF's BDSM Ep.03: "Limitless"

Every person involved in the BDSM community, should have at some point asked, and been asked, "what are your limits". From very early on in my journey, it as a question, and a topic I saw discussed often. It was a pretty basic concept, grounded in common sense.


BDSM by its very nature involves practises which are both physically and emotionally demanding. It also is extremely varied, covering a huge number of different kinks, and preferences. Some of these activities, will be things that you or I will be very interested and excited by. And some of them will make us nervous, intimidated, or outright scared. Some will pique our interest, and some will give us an "aw hell no" moment!


This is where we establish the importance of Limits. Most of you are more than familiar with the concept of limits, and the 2 types, Hard ("Aw hell no") and Soft ("hmm, maybe, in the right scenario") limits. I'm not looking to cover that ground again, if you want to learn more about hard and soft limits, I can suggest this article.


What I really want to talk about is the importance of limits in online dynamics. Many of us began our discovery of BDSM through online channels, Twitter, FetLife, or other platforms. And a lot of us have experienced and enjoyed a variety of 'online

play'. But realistically ask yourself, "Have I engaged in online BDSM roleplay, without establishing limits?" I guess before you answer it, maybe its worth thinking about if its IMPORTANT, to discuss limits in online play?


The simple answer is, of course its important! The fact is, even if you are in an exclusively online dynamic, the scenes you will play out will have physiological and emotional effects. Your body will react. You will experience adrenaline highs, as your mind will vividly imagine the activities being described. You will experience lows, as you come down the other side. Your partner may suggest things, and lead you down a path that you previously hadn't considered.


Some of these things may make you uncomfortable, and without having already established your personal limits, it can be difficult to speak up 'in the moment'. This can lead to negative thoughts after a scene has ended, potentially exacerbating Sub or Dom Drop.


So think for a moment, if you have played out scenes online, without having considered your own, or the other parties limits. Have you played out a scenario, and suddenly felt uneasy, or uncomfortable?


Or have you had a 'spicy' idea, and introduced it to a scene without considering the feelings of the other person. I know I have. In the early days of my journey I made a lot of mistakes. Learning to have responsible conversations with potential submissives, and negotiating the terms of a dynamic is a key step, in learning the safety aspects of BDSM, whether you adopt SSC, RACK, or PRICK. Bear in mind, however, that this is not an 'icebreaker', or conversation starter. This is a conversation for when some trust has been established.


One thing in particular that I have occasionally seen especially here on Twitter, is submissives with 'I have no limits' or something similar in their Bios, or pinned tweets. This is always concerning. Firstly, it suggests that a person hasn't spent any time reflecting on what they want from BDSM. Secondly, it is very unlikely that it's actually true, and likely means that appropriate research has not been conducted into the full variety of kinks available. Also, it can indicate a certain naivety that can act like a flashing target to 'fake doms', looking to take advantage of inexperienced subs.


Conversely, a Dominant claiming to have no limits is definitely a red flag. As before, it's a sign that they haven't given the topic enough thought. But a Dom who claims to have no limits, may also have trouble respecting his sub's limits.


Please folks, take the time to research the lifestyle. Take steps to be safe, and responsible. Make a 'BDSM Checklist', being sure to identify as many kinks as you can, and decide if they are "Yes", "Maybe" or "AW HELL NO!" for you.


Use your checklist when negotiating with potential new submissives or Dominants. Making sure that your personal limits are understood and respected. Even in the seemingly 'casual' setting of Twitter DMs, everything we do should remain Safe, Sane, and Consensual.


So folks, identify your limits, and stick to them.

Identify your playmates limits, and respect them.


And above all, Stay Safe, because Safe...is Sexy!

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